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Saturday, April 21, 2018

We can not all follow the demands of society

Por sumily

There are many women who, when asked about motherhood and having children, admit that if they had known what they know about it today, they would never have become mothers.Most do not talk about it because they are afraid to be judged. The truth is that nobody wants to see themselves as a selfish person. The implication is that if you do not want children, then you are a bad mother. Joy, she had her daughter 20 years ago and realized pretty early that she did not want to be a mother.

According to Joy, everyone talks about how they give the child and they feel that fabulous current of love that runs through their bodies. She did not feel any of that. It just seemed an immense responsibility.Joy still has trouble remembering her daughter's early years with love. She is one of those who believes that she lacks the maternal instinct that makes other mothers enjoy their children.

As a child, Joy's daughter doubted her mother's love because she was not as dictated by the norms of society.From Joy's point of view, if women were honest with how they feel, there would be less pressure for them to become mothers.

It is not a secret to anyone that children generate a lot of work and I think that the fact that it is a difficult and difficult issue any parent would agree to recognize. However, if you ask them, they would all agree, saying that paternity and motherhood have much more good than bad.To think otherwise is practically unspeakable.

However, there are still women who regret having become mothers. Jean Mackenzie, from the Victoria Derbyshire program of the BBC, collected the testimonies of some women who declared how secret it is to never have children. According to Raquel, a 50-year-old woman, if she could turn back the clock, she would not have children.

She has three - the youngest is 17 - and most of the time she has raised them as a single mother, which did not make things easier. From her point of view, she had moments in her life that she did not feel mature enough to be responsible for someone, for that little person who needed me to live.

Raquel had the feeling of someone who lives in an eternal circle in which she put a bottle or food in her mouth so that later she would come out on the other side and what led her to wonder many times at what point everything would turn out to be something fun. To say of Raquel, if you are of the maternal type, you have everything you wanted; but if you do not have the instinct, the only thing you did is to catch yourself. She accepts that she did not think well how having children could affect her life. If I had known, I would not have had them. And despite this, he feels guilty saying it because he loves his children very much.

This is something difficult to admit, because lightly people assume that you are not a good person. From the point of view of Rachel, the purpose she pursues is that women who feel the same are not vilified. The truth is that it is little possible or probable to know how many women feel that way, because very few speak openly about the subject. In a survey conducted in Germany in 2016, 8% of a total of 1,200 respondents said they regretted becoming mothers. The Israeli sociologist Orna Donath, a year earlier, published a study with women who regretted having children, describing this desire to reverse motherhood as an unexplored maternal experience. Women who admit that feeling maintains that it is something very different from postpartum depression.

For her part, Allison, who was adopted and as a child always dreamed of having her own family, only saw the happy family with the house and the garden, with the children who were happy to go to school. It was not until she had her first child that she realized that she was not maternal. The desperation to leave her house and escape took her six months back to work. According to Allison, on more than one occasion she took the day off and left him with the nanny, to have the day to herself.